Control the Christmas Crazies

Controlling the Christmas Crazies: Create New Traditions that Reflect Your Authentic Self

“Only 10 more shopping days ‘til Christmas,” the world seems to be screaming . . . As if you needed a reminder that Christmas Day is bearing down on you like a runaway locomotive. Then your friend smugly announces at your annual girls’ holiday luncheon that she’s finished shopping, wrapping, and mailing all her presents. You just want to scream, cry, and laugh hysterically – all at the same time – because YOU haven’t finished the shopping. Because YOU haven’t made Christmas cookies. Because YOU are responsible for feeding the entire fam damily AGAIN, and it feels as if you’re disintegrating under the weight of responsibility.

The holidays. It’s supposed to be a time of joy and enjoyment when we invoke long-cherished traditions and spend time with family and friends. But for many of us, the holidays and the expectations they bring create anxiety, irritability, and just downright anger.

You can get into the holiday spirit by honestly assessing what the holidays mean to you and why, then choosing priorities that feed your soul and reflect your authentic self, says Victoria FittsMilgrim, a professional coach and owner of True Life Coaching and Retreats.

“As women, we tend to take pride in doing more than one thing at a time. We value our ability to multitask as a symbol of our efficiency and productivity. Then, during the holidays, we pile on 50 more things that we think we have to do, and we have the idea that we have to do it all so that the holidays are perfect. Anxiousness, feelings of being overwhelmed are huge billboard signs that say we’re doing too much, and it’s time to pause and reassess what we’re doing,” she says.

Here are a few tips for reducing stress during the holidays

• Create new holiday traditions that are meaningful to you.
  

     How? Make a list of all the things you like about the holidays. You know. The things that make you all warm and fuzzy.

Now make a list of all the things that drive you crazy.

Ask yourself when you’re saying yes to these activities, why, and for the sake of what. Are you saying yes because it makes you happy? Or because you’re really afraid to say no? If you’re afraid to say no, maybe it’s time to do something different.

Perhaps, for example, you’ve taken pride in preparing the family meal, from hors d’oeuvres to dessert, all by yourself. However, during the past few years, you’ve ended the holiday meal feeling resentful and angry, because your family has come to expect you to do all the work. This year, sit down with your loved ones, and discuss your concerns using “I” statements to let them know how you feel.

Try the following: “I love our family dinner, and I look forward to our get-together. I no longer have the energy to prepare the entire meal myself and would like to ask you to help me.” Hand out recipes or take a chance on a potluck. Ask for volunteer dishwashers and cleaner-uppers. Voilá! You’ve started a new tradition that doesn’t kill you.

“Be willing to listen to your family members, too,” reminds FittsMilgrim. “Listen to what they like and want to do differently and what they don’t. It needs to be a two-way response.”

• Avoid multitasking.

     That may sound difficult, but it’s not. Make a list of things you’d like to get done. Complete one item on the list before you start another. If you MUST move on to another task before you complete the first, stop. Truly stop doing the first. Then move on to the next task and complete it before returning to the first. Don’t flip flop back and forth between the two, otherwise, you’ll find yourself juggling six, seven or eight projects before you know it.

You can practice when you clean your home. Clean one room first before moving onto the next. For example, if you straighten up your living area first, resist the temptation to clean your bedroom when you’re putting away clothing that you left in the living room the night before. Return to the living area and finish it first. That way, you’ll get a sense of accomplishment – and completion – every time you finish up a room.

• Take time for yourself and count your blessings.
  

     When you start to feel really harried, take a 10-minute “Me Break.” Go outside and breathe the cold air, or make a cup of tea. Then reflect on all the good things in your life. The fact that you’re breathing at all is a good place to start! You can drop the world off your shoulders and give yourself permission to nourish yourself.  Consider at least one small thing that brings you joy and a smile.

• Take time to help someone less fortunate than yourself.
  

     Instead of driving yourself crazy buying gifts for people who already have everything, consider making a donation in their name or volunteering for their favorite charity. The recipient will be honored that they inspired your gift of time or money, and you will feel great about helping others.

Want more ideas for controlling the holiday crazies? Visit Victoria’s “Sanctuary Stories” Web site at www.truelifecoach.net/SancStories/sancstory11-09-b.htm.